February 18. Today wasn’t a day packed with adrenaline, quite the opposite really. We had another long car ride of 5 hours (they are starting to wear me down). We listened to some more comedy in the car to keep our spirits high. We only have 2 more days in New Zealand before we go to Fiji. We’re not ready to leave yet. I, at least, feel as if I’ve only scratched the surface of this amazing country.
Andrew lent me his Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring book. I have been so eager to read the series again after we have watched the trilogy and saw some of the landscape on which it was filmed. The book is tedious, but it’s still a great read. I forgot how much was left out of the movie that is in the book.
We stopped for lunch after about 3 hours. We all made sandwiches again and threw the Frisbee around. I wasn’t on my game, and I felt like I was having an off day. I wasn’t myself at all. I kept quiet and just thought about what the next year of my life would bring. I don’t know why I was thinking of my future that day, but it kept eating at my mind when I least expected it.
When we finally arrived at the hostel in Christchurch, I was not looking forward to going out to dinner with everyone. I just wanted to be alone for a while. I did my laundry and showered, pausing once in a while to humor one of my friends as they made a joke or tried to initiate a conversation. Finally, it was time to eat dinner. We had another Kebab, but these ones were enormous, with twice the meat, sauce, bread and veggies. It could have been the best thing I’ve ever eaten. It brought some happiness back into me, but that soon died away as the group left for the bars and I went upstairs to my room. Even if I had been able to be with everyone, I wouldn’t have wanted to.
I checked my email immediately when I got back to my room. Just to add to my disappointing day I read an email that stated I had been deferred to my number 1 college. I know that it doesn’t mean I’ve been denied, but it didn’t do anything to help my mood. More out of routine than desire, I grabbed my computer. It’s funny how I wouldn’t have wanted to write a page or more every day when I was at home, but now it’s become a habit. It’s funnier still how the simple act of writing is making me feel better about my day. I think, subconsciously, I’ve been purging myself of all bad emotion for almost 3 weeks now. Knowing that there is a way to escape, for me to be able to channel my emotions into something, is a comfortable feeling. Hopefully this sensation will stay with me for the next few months or maybe even forever.